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Dean Kirkland

Dingleberry Gazette

http://beastard.wordpress.com/

Located in Portland

Last update: January 14th, 2017 at 05:05 pm

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8 post clicks in the past 90 days

Just another WordPress.com weblog

I’m surprised I’m not seeing little piles of gluteus maximus all over downtown. I almost froze my ass off last night. I texted Dr T; “If Giggles is still there, tell him I’m gonna punch him in the head if he’s late tonight. We had to sit almost two hours to catch the last and […]

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It was a four-hour shift. I spent almost that long at the bus stop. It was spitting snow when I left the house. By the time Southie left the West End Store, a white blanket covered the intersection. By the time I got off work, YakTrax were required, and there were no buses or MAX […]

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Ice storm!Snowmageddon!Close the schools! It’s the end of times! SPOILER ALERT: I survive. In fact, I came out of it pretty good. We haven’t had a real winter for a couple years, so Mother Nature is making up for it in spades. The past week hosted non-stop sub-freezing temperatures, and the past few days have [&

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I had a feeling the day would be atypical when I saw the Heavy Duty fire truck driving the wrong way up the Avenue. I was coming out of the office with my cash drawer, ready to start a swing-shift at the Nightclub Store. I followed my early routine, getting my shift’s accoutrements together. People […]

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I’m not much for holiday songs, but this ditty came out during my teen years and I felt the urge to revisit. George wasn’t my favorite Beatle, but he was one of the top four. He also did an ode to constipation that I will put up at the end, if I can find it. […]

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I arrived at the Waterfront Store just as Uncle Cliffy came out of the back office with my till. “I’ll take that,” I said. I took the cash register drawer from him and went into the employee office. Mrs Brady was working with me. Wednesday is freight day, so I have a helper. Since she […]

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“Payday’s not until Friday. I’m sorry.” I handed Mizelle a Skittles bag containing $5 in nickels. I put another $4 in singles on top of that. “To save embarrassment at the cash register.” Mizelle and I were on our way to buffet, and it was just like old times. I wasn’t quite that br

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…But it comes! I have most of the stuff I really need. I have a lot of stuff I want, or can get it without much effort. What I’ve wanted this year are not material goods. Peace in my soul and mind cannot be bought. While not in distress, I’ve felt better mentally. I need […]

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I was the first awake in the house. I skipped shaving. It’s Christmas and Sunday, for Chrissakes. Besides, I am on a mission. I scooped up socks, stripped my bed. Stuffed an energy drink and fresh trash liner into the duffel bag, and loaded it into the granny cart. Off to the light rail and […]

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I woke up this morning, not wanting to move. Laying there for 45 minutes did nothing for my mood, so I got up. As I shaved, I felt life creeping back. By the time I came out of the bathroom, I was almost ready to skip and jump! Lately, life has been a rollercoaster ride. […]

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My phone was ringing at 8 AM. Whoever on the line better be ready for an outburst. I don’t do morning, as Rain says. “Hi, this is the electrician with REACH, we’d like to come take a look at your bathroom. Would an hour be okay?” “Of course, but knock twice at least. We are […]

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Multnomah County Library is always coming through for me. Being low of budget and even lower in patience when it comes to finding new music, I was thrilled to hear that the Rolling Stones have a new blues album out. While it isn’t on the shelf in hard copy, I can stream it to my […]

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It’s been awhile since I had three days off in a row. I think it was starting to show. Because of finances, I jump on any shift I can get, as long as it starts after 9 AM. (I’m getting old, getting up earlier, but don’t call before noon east coast time. Standards!) I feel […]

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Luna, the newest family member, is queen of the backyard. She lives amongst the blackberry bushes, pulls up small trees, and of course dreams of the day she actually catches a squirrel. We have developed an open-door policy. If she wants to go out, we let her. Bathroom accidents are virtually non-existent, and to call [R

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People often ask how I can tolerate working with the public? It’s not easy, but 99 out of 100 people are nice and just want their Twinkies or whatever. However, out of a thousand people, that leaves ten assholes. Sounds like a proper ratio. I have been training new workers. I preach tolerance, but there […]

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It’s true, there’s nothing like the unconditional love of a dog. There has almost always been a dog in my life, and not on purpose. As an adult, I couldn’t justify taking responsibility for another life when I couldn’t control my own. And I’m too selfish. But, others have dogs, and like childre

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2016 has been one hell of a rough year, and it’s not over yet. Mrs Brady died last night. Damn. (Florence Henderson, not my Mrs Brady. She works at the weed store across from Rain’s.) I have lost friends, and mortal luminaries from the music and video world have gone to the great beyond. So […]

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When I get the combination just right, reality looks like this. Happy Fried Day, everybody!

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I’m cold. I grew up in Sandy, Oregon, 25 miles from downtown Portland and about 50 miles to Mt Hood, elevation 978 feet. (Give or take. Dad always called it “a thousand feet.”) It was colder than sea level, but hardly arctic. Growing up a fat kid, cold didn’t bother me. I never believed in […]

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How was work? Oh, just another night in the funhouse. http://www.kgw.com/news/local/night-four-of-trump-protests/351279890 This was life around the Nightclub Store. The evening started quietly, but halfway through lunch I heard the helicopters, and then the jeers. Yup, we’re doing it again. I had my store key on a lan

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I’m so sick of politics. Part Three. Since the election, Trumpers have been walking around gloating, and the HRC camp (under-forty) are pissed and rioting in the streets. (“Voicing their opinion” as they call it.) Opinions are like assholes, and downtown has been full of opinions since the election. I just

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Election Day, 2016. I thought it would never get here. I am so sick of politics. (I said that yesterday, didn’t I?) I decided to get out of the house, and out of my head. I sparked up my usual morning doobie, and took a train ride. I decided I would drop by and see […]

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It’s been a long, miserable year. I’m sick of politics. I’ve seen far too many favorite people die. Laws have changed, some for the better, some not so much. It’s like the deck has been shuffled. I have the same amount of a stake, but the game has been changed. Drugs in general have gotten […]

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There are times when my patience impresses even me. Work has been, well, work. Lots of personnel changes, new managers, new stores. My recent floating between stores is morphing into having a home base. Until further notice, I will be spending time at the Nightclub Store, under the newly-promoted Eva Braun. Store managers d

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It was the best-kept secret in the history of Master P’s stores. It wasn’t until the day before the actual announcement that I learned the location of the new store. It’s in the West End, on the tip of the Pink Zone in what used to be called Vaseline Alley. Yup, we are now running […]

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I have a new weapon in the war on crime. It was a typical Friday night. Everyone’s been paid, but it wasn’t too busy. At 10 PM the drinkers are out, and the street trash is drunk and either ready to crash or just getting started. (Meth, the wonder drug.) I see it all from […]

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My cousin and I have a medical grow operation. (It’s his, I just help every possible way.) For the past thirty years he’s had the best weed around, and I stick to that statement, even in this day of dispensaries on every corner. “It takes about a hundred grand,” is his statement to anyone who […

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Rain has been living with me for a couple years, off and on. It’s a cozy arrangement. I have a bedroom that’s about 12×15, in which we share a single bed, and a TV slightly larger than that. That we haven’t killed each other is a testament to ongoing love, because I’m sure we’ve both [R

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I roll in after midnight, usually closer to 1 AM. Come home, watch a rerun of the 11 o’clock news, eat something, and crash. Repeat 4-5 times a week. Then I got a girlfriend. I work a lot, pay a lot for cable/internet, and feel as though it should be used, so I encourage Rain […]

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I roll in after midnight, usually closer to 1 AM. Come home, watch a rerun of the 11 o’clock news, eat something, and crash. Repeat 4-5 times a week. Then I got a girlfriend. I work a lot, pay a lot for cable/internet, and feel as though it should be used, so I encourage Rain […]

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