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Dean Kirkland

Dingleberry Gazette

http://beastard.wordpress.com/

Located in Portland

Last update: August 11th, 2017 at 11:29 am

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Just another WordPress.com weblog

Oh morning, why hast thou forsaken me? I haven’t been around much. Well, haven’t been here. Work has kept me busy, and I have been trying to keep it together. Cat-sitting, yard work, I been truckin’. The weather has been hot and sticky, and the air is worse than Beijing’s. I’ve been having trou

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I am a Portlander through and through. Though I was raised in Sandy, Oregon I was born in Portland, and the minute I was allowed to ride the bus by myself I was all over the city, investigating, pretending to be a cop or a criminal or wherever my imagination (and TriMet) would take me. […]

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Every two years, near Mizelle’s birthday, I get called for jury duty. It’s that time again. I tried to get out of it in previous years, but they are tenacious. (“Okay, then when can you serve…?”) Jury duty fell on my days off, so might as well get it over with. At the same time, […]

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People often ask how I can tolerate dealing with the public. Sometimes I wonder myself. Portland’s Rose Festival is coming to an end. It’s the store’s busiest time of the year. We get tons of business from the parades, festivals and conventions. We go out of our way to be accommodating, but we never seem [

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I’m a pretty straight-up guy. I will tell you honestly what’s going on, sometimes painfully so. I understand discretion, and omitting details to spare feelings etc… But I’m not a big fan of deception, and really hate being lied to. So when I have to play games with a supervisor, it gets on my nerves.

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After a fifty-hour work week, lots of work drama, and a phone that won’t stop ringing, I needed a respite. After the Hotel Alder fire, most residents were relocated to hotels nearby. Some were in swanky places, but most were relegated to cots in basements. When it was obvious it was going to take months […]

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Okay, here’s your mystery question: What’s that in the ashtray? It’s not a pile of crack, or any drug. (It may have been used in an attempt to procure drugs, though.) It used to be light green. It used to look like money, because it was. Counterfeit money. I handle a lot of cash, in […]

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I’ve gone on about storing my stuff at work. I have a dressy shirt I wear while on shift, its pockets hold my phone and spare store key. (It’s nice to be able to lock up at a second’s notice, without it being locked in the office, or having to go to my jacket pocket […]

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My mother was a religious nut, to cut to the chase. She’d find the devil in the damnedest places. Most frequently in my record albums. There were a few records that scared me. Black Sabbath, Alice Cooper and Slayer all gave me varying stages of the willies, whether because of religious paranoia or because I […]

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May Day and I go back. Over the past two decades, I’ve encountered big romance, lost said romance, gotten jobs, but the one consistent has been the protests. Every year there are May Day protests, and I end up in the middle of them. Unintentionally, for the most part. It was a Monday, and the […]

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I’ve been keeping a low profile, trying to work as much as possible without burning out, and trying to stay upbeat in dark times. Talk about easier said than done. Eva Braun has been treating me well, schedulewise. I did a full week’s residency at the Nightclub Store, much to the chagrin of the thievin’ [&

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You know middle age is approaching when multiple people get excited about a toilet. I introduce the Cadillac of toilets. We haven’t named it yet, but I’m thinking Pacific Princess. (It’s as big as the Love Boat!) The Nightclub Store has been getting some cosmetic surgery. MISTER Edamame is afraid he’

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When people ask why I’ve worked in stores for forty years and not became a manager, I am honest. I hate working with other bosses, sales reps and delivery people. The daytime crowd is not my scene. I’ve two fond sayings; “Gimme my happy crackheads any day.” And, “When I work alone, I prefer to

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Fridays are fun at work. After five days without my iron rule, the nuts come out to play. So I usually have a rough re-entry until word gets out, and they migrate to other stores. I was all geared up, properly medicated and ready to kick ass and take names when I got a text […]

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Good morning, everybody! It’s Saturday, April First, AKA April Fool’s Day. It’s also the tenth anniversary of this blog. No foolin’. I have always wanted to be a writer. (Actually, I’ve always wanted to be a rock star, but since I have no talent or musical training, I’ll be like Barry Man

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So many things we’ve known all our lives are going away. Some of it is evolution. Some is common sense. Or, in the situation of weed and the counter-culture, you become obsolete. Who’da thunk potheads would become a recognized, respected, government-regulated bunch of tax-paying citizens? (I didn’t, in my

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I was going to write about a head shop today. Instead I am writing about head cases and headaches. Work-related, of course. I got up this morning, prepared to take it easy. I had errands to run, and I wanted to drop in on Voorhees and Dr T. They are working day shift at the […]

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Aah, three-day weekend, how you taunt me. When I want you, I can never get you. When I want to immerse myself in work, you are there insisting. When I want to run off with a girl for a couple days? Oh, we can’t spare you… I’m getting by, still getting used to being alone. […]

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Fine, just fine. March 1 brought change to my life. My relationship with Rain changed forever. We have friend-zoned each other. I think this is going to be fun. I make light, but it hasn’t been exactly easy. For the last six years she’s been on the edge of every thought. Everything I do I […]

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Yesterday was not my best day. Money shenanigans from “friends” started the day. Small loans over the course of the month earn me bus passes from the indigent. When it came time for “the envelope please,” they are nowhere to be found. While scrambling to set up and pay for new bus passes, I get [R

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After spending the morning doing grown-up stuff, errands, chores, I found myself in need of soda pop and cerebral amusements. While fetching the refreshments, I crossed paths with Sister. She’s been a constant companion and best friend lately. She’s also been going through a rough time. Losing Sandy the dog and

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Uncle Cliffy was giving me the eye. Did I have a giant zit in my forehead? Coke booger? “What?” “Did you know that the average male penis is six inches long?” he asked. Before I could affirmate, he continued, “And the average woman’s vagina is eight inches deep. That’s over 150 mile

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Tap tap tap. My Sister was knocking. “Come in.” She entered my room, pulling on a vapor pen. “I didn’t charge my pen yesterday. If you want to charge this up and take it to work with you…?” “Sure! Thanks.” She handed me the pen, I took a pull. I felt a wave of warmth […]

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“Sunny, with winds 20-30 MPH, temperatures in the 40s.” It’s a beautiful day in Portland, Oregon. My health is good, attitude partly cloudy. Work has been its usual stress, nothing much to report. The Nightclub Store is quiet, with the hotel closed and the bar being remodeled after the fire. I’ve bee

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They say everything happens for a reason. I remind myself of that when I get delayed. There’s a good chance it will work out for the best. So when I hurried to do laundry this morning, I should have known better and just ‘got there when I got there.’ The lady at the Candy Store […]

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I am just a cowboy in the psychedelic rodeo. I remind myself each day how blessed I am. As the years tick off and the end approaches, I wonder if this is the last stop? Will I come back somewhere else in time, hopefully the future? I kinda doubt it; this sorta feels like a […]

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I’m surprised I’m not seeing little piles of gluteus maximus all over downtown. I almost froze my ass off last night. I texted Dr T; “If Giggles is still there, tell him I’m gonna punch him in the head if he’s late tonight. We had to sit almost two hours to catch the last and […]

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It was a four-hour shift. I spent almost that long at the bus stop. It was spitting snow when I left the house. By the time Southie left the West End Store, a white blanket covered the intersection. By the time I got off work, YakTrax were required, and there were no buses or MAX […]

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Ice storm!Snowmageddon!Close the schools! It’s the end of times! SPOILER ALERT: I survive. In fact, I came out of it pretty good. We haven’t had a real winter for a couple years, so Mother Nature is making up for it in spades. The past week hosted non-stop sub-freezing temperatures, and the past few days have [&

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I had a feeling the day would be atypical when I saw the Heavy Duty fire truck driving the wrong way up the Avenue. I was coming out of the office with my cash drawer, ready to start a swing-shift at the Nightclub Store. I followed my early routine, getting my shift’s accoutrements together. People […]

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