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Dean Kirkland

Dingleberry Gazette

http://beastard.wordpress.com/

Located in Portland

Last update: March 5th, 2014 at 10:13 am

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Just another WordPress.com weblog

“I’m kinda low on green. Would you bring me some flowers?” Angel is always so polite. “How much you want? I can hit the dispensary before work.” “Damn, I only got a twenty. Can you go small?” “Heh.” I made it sound dirty. She smiled. “I got an idea. Keep your $20 a

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“Hey buddy, my phone is turned off. Just got your email. I’m broke as a joke today. If you still need some hair love write me back please? I need ten bucks to turn my phone back on.” A typical note from Rain? Nope. It was Clairissa. It just so happened that I had the […]

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“We need to talk.” “Okay.” I could tell by Rain’s voice she knew what was coming. I hadn’t heard from her in three weeks, and she’d called to see if I was working. She wanted to stop by and say hi. From my tone, I doubted she would show. When she walked in, all smiles, […]

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There has been a lot of introspection of late. I’ve spent the past few days, actually weeks now, riding the bus and trying to figure out what I want to do. I’ve put a lot on Angel’s shoulders. She’s a sweet woman with problems of her own, but she has taken time to ease me […]

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I awoke at 7:28 AM, grabbed my phone and texted, “Having a hard time sleeping, cute girl has me all distracted. Can’t wait to see you.” I took a couple bong hits and laid back down. It was Valentines Day 2014, and if it went as hoped, it would be a day remembered as one […]

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It started out as a simple plan. Hop the bus twenty blocks to the store, to get chocolate milk while it’s on sale. Monday morning, no problem, right? Sold out of milk. Really? But, no biggie, I get a raincheck good for sixty days, so I can buy milk without waiting for the magic day. […]

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“Hows ya day goin?” Angel’s texts are full-on ebonics. I cherished the first text-messaged “Where you at?” from her. It’s still on that phone I quit using in 2009. I was surprised to hear from her. She said we should talk, but we haven’t. Because she’s nice, she is checking up

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I’ve been listening to Massive Attack’s Mezzanine album, an album great for late-night bus rides. It opens with a song called Angel. Since I have an Angel in my life, I thought I’d see how the video compared to what I’d imagined. Okay, nothing like I’d imagined. I figured there would be a hot g

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“I keep believing that you mean what you say. Be my tomorrow, now tomorrow’s today…”

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I know, I know. I bitch about cats all the time. Apparently I can’t live with them or without them. We still have six cats. Fortunately the family has agreed that as they die off we won’t rush to replace them. Kevin, the oldest, is at least twelve years old and has been at this […]

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A hundred grand. It took a while, almost seven years. I’ve been watching the number inch upward for about a month; a flurry of interest in topless barbers and a certain mattress spokesmodel (mentioned years ago) put me over the top. It may have happened sooner, but blogs are so passe these days. One might […]

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How do you make pickle bread? You start with a dill dough… I love naughty presents. Even more, I love a girl who loves naughty presents. Since it is the gift-giving season, I’ve been keeping my eye out for ways to, ahem, take care of my girls. Some months back, Trojan was giving away vibrators […]

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“She left the cap off the pen?” “Yes, and I didn’t snap or anything. I just asked her to keep the cap on it when she wasn’t using it. She denied uncapping it, SWEARS she didn’t uncap it. Which pissed me off, because it’s just me and her there at 5 AM, and the pen […]

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I took the train downtown to the Psycho Safeway. I’d asked Clairissa if she wanted a beer? “Nah, bring me a candy bar. You choose.” I found a Cadbury Milk Chocolate bar, stashing it in a black plastic beer bag. I waited for the Union Avenue bus, listening to Steely Dan and reminiscing about all […]

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It’s business as usual. Kinda. Rain showed up after four days, looking haggard. I’d called her, but no answer. Her throwaway phone may have run out of minutes, or she’s holed up somewhere, either in a dope haze or withdrawing from one. I tried not to care, but I worry. She smiled at me. “Babe, [̷

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I still got it goin’ on. I’ve been going through relationship heck the past couple weeks. Debating whether the woman I love is worth it. Deciding if I want to keep trying to fix what may be forever broken, or if it just needs a ton of emotional super-glue. In the meantime, I have been […]

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As is typical, the most important things happen when you’re knee-deep in busy, and prying eyes are watching, but Rain and I had a very public moment, in which things got right. It took two weeks, but we finally had The Talk. After the initial blow-up and subsequent eviction of my sorta-live-in girlfriend, I’d wo

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I never realized how compact downtown seemed until I tried avoiding someone who is always there. After being in constant contact for three years, to go dark must have been a surprise. With few exceptions, we rarely went more than a day without seeing each other, talking or texting. Not that I’m *really* avoiding Rain,

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Drugs are bad, mmmkay? I joke a lot about getting high, and it’s no secret that I have a medical marijuana card, but I haven’t used hard drugs in years. I haven’t done white powders (meth or cocaine) since 1996. The last time I took psychedelics (LSD or mushrooms) was at a Kid Rock concert […]

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This has been quite a summer. Despite a couple medical setbacks, (which turned out to work in my favor) I have been having the time of my life. I’d document more, but there just hasn’t been time. Rain is still living with me. The “breakup” lasted about a day and a half, in which time […]

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My average workday lasts nine hours, most of it on my feet. I keep moving, wandering around stocking, checking the sidewalk to make sure it hasn’t gone anywhere, but it gets TIRING, standing all day. So we cheat. Master P and his overlords are of the belief that if there’s not a customer in the […]

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…Pictured here with blues legend Curtis Salgado. If you’d like to encourage youngsters to follow their musical dream and support a worthy cause, send a few bucks to American Music Program. Wouldn’t be a birthday without a little song now. Hugs and happies to Sun (aka Zoe) Richter. This is from a year or tw

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So, I went to a Pink Floyd tribute show with my ex-wife. No cause for concern or alarm there, right? It sounded like fun when she invited me. I had no IDEA how intensely emotional the night would turn out… Annie and I have had a tumultuous relationship from that first day in the c-store […]

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“Nothing greys the hair quicker than compassion.” –Dr T, to me via text message. The problem with free and easy relationships is they rarely stay that way. What starts as casual ends up serious. It turns from “That was fun, want to get something to eat?” to “Where the fuck you been?”

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Since hernia surgery, I’ve been having a wonderful problem. My clothes aren’t fitting anymore! I’ve been steadily losing weight since 1996, when I peaked at 528 pounds. I hit a plateau or two along the way, but have been making slow but sure progress. Especially lately. After surgery, I began wearing a bac

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There was a time when I really hated the unpredictability of life. I wanted to know what was gonna happen before it happened, and if things didn’t happen the way I thought they should, I would stress. Early on I discovered that few people would see the world the way I do, and would probably [...]

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Another night on the dirty boulevard. Since moving back to the Nightclub Store I’ve been feeling revitalized. My schedule tends to stay constant; when I get relocated it’s usually for reasons deeper than schedule conflict. While I may appear to be a lazy (alebit clean) hippie, I have territorial issues that exte

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Rain and I have been seeing each other for going on three years now. About a year ago, we had a dust-up and I took a little break. Since then we have reconnected, consider ourselves a couple, for what it’s worth, and she has pledged fidelity to me. While I wouldn’t call Rain a liar, [...]

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It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve moved back from the Waterfront Store to the Nightclub Store. There were a lot of internal things going on at work, which I watched unfold. Now that I can discuss them within reason, I may drop a few vague thoughts. I should be venting more often. I’ll try [...]

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For the past couple years I’ve been working at the Waterfront store with Dr T. All good things must come to an end, and as is typical at Master P’s, it can’t end without a little drama. At first I was worried, and asked Master P if I was in trouble? He mentioned something that [...]

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